the worst hour of my life so far - tommyinnit (pre-exile, pre-pogtopia, pre-pandora's vault)

goddd the last chapter was such a flop n i really wanted to make this one better but it still feels rushed to me T-T sorry u guys im trying i swear

also this chapter contains graphic depictions of death and blood so please be warned. (i mean it)

Also Also i did make Tommy 14 during the war for independence, do with that what you will. he's currently sixteen as they watch.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Their breaths came quick and short as they hurried through the tunnel. They could barely see, stepping on each other's heels every now and then and bumping into one another. The walls carved of stone were smooth and finished, proving whoever had mined down that far had been in no rush.

“Kinda scary watching this from the third person.” Tubbo noted, more interested than anything, though Tommy could see the slight tremor in his hands and knew the memory still haunted him to some degree.

“Wasn’t it scary in the moment?” George asked.

“Not really,” Tubbo shrugged, “I trusted Eret so I wasn’t worried.”

“L.” Fundy said, earning a gentle smack from Phil.

“Where the hell are you taking us?” Tommy groaned from the back of the line, tired of his nose ramming into Tubbo’s soot filled hair each time the latter stopped abruptly. Eret didn’t reply, merely leading them deeper in.

Finally, blackstone came into view, and the five L’Manbergians stepped into a small room decorated in chests and signs.

“This is the control room,” Eret said, making room for them all to look around, “the final control room.”

“Cozy.” Ranboo remarked, earning a snort from both Tubbo and Tommy and a roll of the eyes from Fundy.

“Kill yourself.” The fox hybrid replied automatically earning a loud guffaw from Ranboo.

“What!?” Tubbo laughed incredulously, looking around in wonder before Wilbur Fundy and he ran over to the chests. Tommy grinned before looking down at a button on the ground.

“What does this button do?” He asked, not giving time for Eret to reply before pushing it.

Tommy groaned, putting his head in his hands as he mourned his common sense for a thousandth time. Tubbo smiled sympathetically, reaching behind his husband to put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder before freezing. His hand fell back down as he saw the way the blonde bristled at even the insinuation of being touched, and tried to play it off.

“No worries big man,” he assured, “someone was going to press that button regardless.”

For a moment, nothing happened, and Tommy frowned. Wilbur looked up from where he was sitting. “There’s nothing in the chests-”

Pistons were activated and from behind the walls came Dream and his comrades. They unsheathed their swords and with the element of surprise got the upperhand. Tommy looked up in horror at Eret who, to his dread, was smiling.

The blond turned his head in time to see Tubbo try and block Sapnap’s blade, head falling to the floor moments later as his eyes remained wide with shock. To his left Fundy was speared through the throat by George, choking momentarily before collapsing.

Tommy locked eyes with Wilbur, horrified as the older man’s body went still, sword poking out of where his heart was, before his eyes glazed over and he fell, still staring blankly at his little brother.

Before Tommy could blink, they were all dead, and Dream himself had put his blade through Tommy’s chest. He fell onto the blackstone, gasping for air as fluid entered his lungs.

With what little he had left, he managed to look over and see Eret standing proud.

“Down with the revolution boys.” They grinned.

Tommy choked as blood pooled in his throat, desperately panting and trying to breathe.

“It was never meant to be.”

His head fell slack, thunking on the ground as blood dribbled out his mouth.

Tubbo was slain by Sapnap.

Fundy was slain by George.

WilburSoot was slain by Punz.

Tommyinnit was slain by Dream.

There was a very long, appalled silence. Everyone stared at the screen in shock, not having words for the situation.

Tommy knew that was the most brutal moment in their history. Sure, L’manberg had been blown to dust before, and sure, Wilbur had been stabbed and killed by his own father, but nothing could compare to the pure animosity in the bloodshed that day when they lost their first lives.

The silence was finally broken as Tubbo gasped for air, sounding panicked. Karl had to stand, running to a corner of the room and emptying the contents of his stomach.

“Tubbo?” Ranboo asked, turning so he could better see his husband, “Tubbo can you hear me?”

Fundy began to sob, lip spurting blood where he’d been biting it in a desperate attempt to stay calm. Phil turned to his grandson, at a loss for words as he tried to tend to him in an almost catatonic state.

Many other residents of the room were merely only capable of staring into space, unable to form coherent sentences or react.

“Tubbo breathe with me, it's alright,” Ranboo tried to comfort, cheeks burning as he wept to himself, taking deep exaggerated breaths for Tubbo to follow. The image of his husband’s disembodied head was burned into his brain, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop sinking into pure panic.

Sapnap and George could only sit in silence. They’d seen the bloodshed first hand, seen it done by their hands. It didn’t feel very different the second time around. The bloody corpses had plagued their nightmares enough times for the memory on the screen to be a familiar old foe at that point.

As the entirety of the room was in complete disarray, Techno stared, puzzled, at Tommy.

The blond was silent, merely sitting there, looking unfazed.

Technoblade could remember that room well. He knew it as the room he’d escaped from, and hadn’t understood Tommy’s reaction when he showed it to the boy. Now though, now he knew what Tommy had been reliving when they stepped back into the room.

Tommy couldn’t bring himself to cry. He couldn’t even bring himself to panic. He just felt… angry. Every time sadness or despair swirled around inside him he took it and he turned it into rage, it was all he really knew. He supposed it must have been more traumatic for Fundy and Tubbo, watching themselves die in the third person so brutally when Tommy had already seen that the first time around. Watching your own head roll to the ground was sure to be an experience, and he was quite familiar with waking at night screaming Tubbo’s name, those same horrified empty eyes in his nightmares.

Still, Tommy could not bring himself to cry. Everyone around him was in varying degrees of complete madness, but he just felt… angry. And he was used to being angry. He was used to blood, he was used to watching his loved ones die, he was used to being betrayed. Watching it all over again just made him angrier, and he knew anger well, he knew how to sit in his anger.

“What the fuck is this, huh!?” Quackity shouted, staring up at the ceiling, “is this some sick fucking joke?”

As he yelled, Puffy and Ranboo were still desperately trying to calm Tubbo as Sam and Phil worked tirelessly to ease Fundy’s sobs.

“You can’t just show people this shit.” He seethed, “That’s not fucking okay!”

There was no answer.

“Don’t fucking ignore me!” Quackity cried, growing even angrier.

Tommy looked up halfheartedly, trying to push down his rage. “Drista?” He called.

“Yes, Tommy?” The god replied immediately.

“...Why are you doing this to us?” He asked finally. By that point most of the room had quieted, and he’d noticed Karl’s vomit had ‘magically’ disappeared thanks to his omnipotent friend.

Wordlessly, Drista appeared in the room once more, floating before Tommy.

“I’m not doing anything to you,” she said, “I’m doing this for you, Tommy.”

“I-It’s not okay, Drista.” He laughed, brows drawn together, “these are… these are things we worked hard to forget and move on from.”

“But you didn’t.” She replied. “You didn’t move on. You say you forgot but maybe that’s the problem. You all keep repeating the same vicious cycle, can’t you see? Nothing’s changed since what I just showed you.”

Tommy swallowed thickly, trying to think of how to explain it to someone so detached from human fragility.

“We don’t… We can’t just rewatch the things that broke us.” He said, “It’s only going to break us more.” And major credit to him because personally he thought he sounded quite mature and profound, he’d never been one for words but that was a proper sentence right there if he knew one.

Drista was silent for a moment, and he thought he might’ve actually gotten through to her, that they might’ve found their ticket out of the awful room from hell.

“Well maybe this time when you rebuild yourselves you’ll get it right.” She declared simply, disappearing from the room in the blink of an eye without another word.

Tommy stared in shock at the spot she’d once resided in before descending into a swirl of threats and profanities.

“Drista you bitch!” He cried, “Come back here right fucking now!”

“Mans is threatening a god.” Tubbo huffed out a laugh, sniffling quietly as he regained his composure.

“Drista I will never fucking speak to you again if you don’t let us out immediately! I mean it!” He intimidated, still looking up.

“No you won’t.” She replied curtly, seemingly perfectly unbothered. He sighed, sitting back down and carding a hand through his hair. He looked around the room, and everyone seemed to have at least somewhat recovered. He made sure to look over Tubbo a second time, assuring himself his friend was alright.

Without much else to do, they went back to staring at the god forsaken screen.

“I’m here to negotiate the terms of our surrender.” Wilbur announced, Tommy obediently at his side as they stared down Dream.

Tommy tried to suppress another flinch at the sight of the man. It helped that the Dream who had beaten him to death had been wearing a prison uniform and no mask, but it did nothing to ease the memories of exile.

“This is biased as fuck.” Fundy announced, “we kicked ass in this war and it’s only showing our losses.”

“That is true.” Tubbo nodded, “We won two of the battles and I don’t see any of those memories on the screen.”

Tommy dug his nails into his skin, memories of freezing beaches and explosions ringing through his mind.

“You fought well.” Dream nodded.

Tommy visibly curled in on himself at that, though thankfully no one was paying attention to him. Calm down. Calm the fuck down. He’s not even here you pussy. It’s a memory. If he freaked out the others would surely take that as a chance to strike him or take advantage of him, just like Wilbur and Dream had. He couldn’t lose his cool. He had to keep his composure no matter how badly he wanted to break down.

“Oh shut up you egotistical green bastard!” Tommy yelled, jumping in front of Wilbur with all his childlike energy, “we fought incredibly!”

“You fought incredibly,” Dream repeated, seemingly not bothered, “but we fought better.”

“He wouldn’t be saying that if he hadn’t wrapped his slimy little hands all over Eret.” Tubbo muttered.

“All’s fair in love and war.” Techno supplied unhelpfully, earning a glare from the president of Snowchester.

“Y’know what, Dream?” Tommy began, inching even closer as he sized the other up, “why don’t we have a little fight? A little one on one? Toe to Toe?”

“Tommy,” Wilbur hissed, trying to pull the other back, “Tommy calm!”

“Let’s go, Dream! Me and you!” The child spat, hopping with unbridled rage and excitement. “Let’s have a one v one! A duel!”

“Tommy your passion will get you nowhere…” Wilbur advised, growing more panicked as the blonde slipped even further from his control.

“Ever the fighter.” Puffy laughed, though Tommy noted it didn’t sound bitter or annoyed, it almost sounded… fond. But that was absurd.

“Maybe if he thought before he acted or spoke we wouldn’t all be here.” Niki muttered quietly. Tommy turned to her, rebuttal in mind before realizing he really didn’t think before he did things. He turned back, grumbling quietly to himself.

Tommy suddenly realized his outburst, silencing and looking to Wilbur in fear for just a second before regaining his composure.

“I promise you, Dream, this man does not speak for me.” The general announced.

Tommy looked back at their country before levelling Dream with a hardened stare. “You and me, ten paces, half a heart. For the ownership of L’manberg.” He declared.

“Tommy we need you alive.” Wilbur frowned, putting a hand on the shorter’s shoulder. Behind him Fundy and Tubbo were at a loss for words.

“I have to do this, Wil.” Tommy replied, eyes ablaze.

“Your life is worth more than the revolution.” His older brother insisted, still trying to get him to back down.

Tommy knew he’d meant it. He knew Wilbur needed Tommy more than he needed L’Manberg, but it didn’t feel like that big of a win. Perhaps it was because he knew that Wilbur needed to control L’Manberg, and he knew that in that same sense Wilbur needed to control Tommy as well.

“If you win,” Dream cut in, standing adjacent from them, “you get independence. However if you lose, you don’t get independence, and I get Mellohi.”

For just a brief second, Tommy’s face morphed into that of surprise, before he schooled it once more. He looked back to Wilbur, who was watching worriedly, to Tubbo, who looked hurt that Tommy was doing it without consulting him, to Fundy who seemed anxious beyond belief, and then to L’Manberg. Memories of fonder times flashed through his mind, Tubbo and him playing in the fields, sharing stories around the fire, playing in the river. He nodded.

“I agree.”

“Okay no,” George shook his head, “someone has to tell me what is up with these discs cause I still just don’t get it. Why do they matter so much?”

“There’s only two people they matter to.” Jack hissed, “Dream and Tommy.”

“I don’t know what could possibly make some vinyls more important than the server but those two have proven time and time again they’re willing to risk anything and everything for them,” Niki said, “it’s stupid, really.”

Tommy frowned, simmering in their words. It was true that at the beginning the discs had been nothing too special. Sure, they meant quite a bit to him but he’d never prioritize a life over them, and he’d proven that when he’d given both of them up for L’Manberg. What the others didn’t seem to understand was that they gained significance along the way. It went from a little game with his friend Dream to his abuser dangling his most prized possessions over his head, taunting him. He had too much pride to let them go in the beginning, and if he was being honest, it was fun, but by exile it was different. He couldn’t let Dream have the discs because they were his and Dream had never let him have anything of his own in exile. Dream had taken his sane, loving brother, Dream had taken his country, Dream had taken his best friend, Dream had taken everything , but Tommy couldn’t let him take the one thing he had left. He couldn’t let him take his discs.

The scene changed to Tommy and Wilbur standing before the Prime Path, conversing silently.

“Do I shoot him or do I aim for the skies?” Tommy whispered, glancing over at Dream.

“Hold on,” Karl spoke up, “you were considering purposely missing- wait did you purposely miss!?”

“No,” Tommy shook his head, “no I aimed for him I’m just a shit shot.” He informed them, smiling weakly.

“Why the hell would you call for a duel and then aim for the sky?” Sapnap questioned.

Tommy frowned at that, lowering his gaze. “I didn’t want to kill someone…” He murmured.

“But Dream had just killed you,” Puffy pointed out, “it would’ve just been revenge.”

“I was fourteen, Puffy.” Tommy laughed, “still had me braces and I was supposed to be killing someone? It just… didn’t sit perfectly right with me…”

None of them quite knew what to say to that, never having been tasked with killing a man so young themselves.

“Tommy I want you to do whatever your heart says you should do.” Wilbur replied solemnly.

“And your heart told you that you should shoot him?”

“My heart’s still telling me to shoot him.” Tommy seethed, taking the others aback at the raw hostility in his tone, a controlled sort of rage much unlike his usual anger.

Tommy nodded silently, swallowing thickly and making his way to the spot beside Dream, bow in hand. The masked man waved at him as he approached, almost as if he was mocking him, and Tommy scowled.

“Gentlemen, you know the rules.” Wilbur said, standing tall across the waterline. His face was grim, staring at Tommy.

There was a silence, both duelers nodding without saying a word. Tommy took a steadying breath, trying to keep his hands from shaking. Wilbur raised a hand in the air.

“One.”

Tommy took a step forward, bow in hand and arrow nestled snugly in it.

“Two.”

Another step. I’m scared, he thought quietly to himself, I don’t like this.

“Dude you chose that.” Sapnap gestured at the screen.

“Well excuse me for making decisions and saying things without thinking them all the way through you prick.” Tommy glared, “I was bloody pissed and high on the war and then BAM! suddenly it hit me that I was probably going to lose another life right there.”

“ You knew you were going to lose!? ” Tubbo’s head snapped over towards the blonde, sizing him up, looking to be on the precipice of anger. Tommy’s eyes widened, throwing his hands up in alarm.

“Woah! Woah there Tubzo I didn’t say that,” he shook his head, “I just meant like… the odds weren’t really in my favour, y’know?”

Tubbo took a steadying breath, grabbing his husband's large clawed hand for support before levelling Tommy with a stare that sent chills down his spine.

“Of course I knew that,” the goat hybrid began, “but I didn’t think you knew that!”

“...What?”

Tubbo sighed, massaging his temple. “I thought you were just being stupidly optimistic again, yeah? I thought y’know, my best friend sure gets himself into a lot of trouble, but he’s always so sure he’ll make it out just fine!” He frowned at Tommy, something indecipherable in his eyes, “but you weren’t sure… and you did it anyways.”

The others in the room watched silently, not knowing what else to do.

“Well… Well yeah!” Tommy laughed, exasperated, “it was for L’Manb-”

“ Your life was worth more than L’Manberg, Tommy!” Tubbo cried, interrupting his best friend. The latter reared back, shocked at the passion in his friend’s voice.

“Tubbo…”

“Wilbur said it himself…” Tubbo whispered, teary eyed, “we would’ve rather not gained independence and kept your second life but you went and you lost it and- and- and do you know how hard it is for me? You keep dying, Tommy…”

Tommy flinched, sucking in a sharp breath. His nails dug into his palms again, trying to match Tubbo’s gaze. He frowned, not quite sure what to say.

Wordlessly, he turned back to the screen, trying to ignore his best friend’s eyes staring holes into the side of his head.

The memory started back up.

“Three.”

I have to make Wil proud. I have to save his country.

“Four.”

Step. For Wilbur.

“Five.”

Dream straightened his mask as he walked, an air of nonchalance to him that seemed almost too easy.

“Six.”

The masked man stepped forward, glancing over at this three friends who were watching, though none of them seemed particularly worried.

“Seven.”

The sun was beginning to set, a warm glow settling upon the server as it basked in the final moments of warmth.

“Eight.”

Tubbo grabbed Fundy’s hand, gripping it tightly.

“Nine.”

Tommy took another step, holding his head high.

“Ten paces, fire!”

Both men swivelled around immediately, releasing their arrows. Tommy narrowly avoided the shot by Dream, firing again as another arrow came his way. The people on the sideline watched with anticipation as the server admin just barely missed getting pinned by Tommy’s shot.

But it was over with Dream’s second arrow. It came hurtling through the air, nestling itself deep in Tommy’s chest as the young boy gasped. He fell hard onto his back, staring up at the golden sky. Around him he could hear screams. Some of them excited and in celebration, while others in horror and agony, but everything was muffled, and his vision was rapidly dimming.

Technoblade whistled lowly, a sort of impressed sound. “Two deaths in what? An hour? Forty five minutes? That’s gotta be like… a record.”

“Get fucked.” Tommy muttered, anxiously rubbing the scar where the arrow had pierced his skin. He hated this. He hated watching the memories over again. He hated it.

“Tommy!” Wilbur cried out in terror, watching his younger brother crumple to the ground. He swiftly leapt over the gap, racing over and kneeling at his side. He lifted Tommy’s head, placing it in his lap as he stared down, the boy’s breaths coming in laboured wheezes as blood trickled down the corner of his mouth. He didn’t look scared, only… sad.

He gave a mournful smile up towards his big brother, trying to grin as wide as possible and in the process showing off his braces now painted in blood, (god he was so young ) “Sorry… Wil…”

And just like that he vanished into thin air, leaving nothing but a pool of blood on the path.

They stared, feeling uncomfortable with the teen only meters away from them, watching alongside them. In moments like that it was hard to ignore just how young Tommy had been. Seeing how small he was, how he looked up at his older brother, it all made it more… real.

“Well I, for one,” Fundy began, “did not like watching a fourteen year old smile in death.”

Tommy couldn’t help but laugh at that, ignoring the stares. He grinned at the fox hybrid cheekily, earning a scowl.

“You shouldn’t have apologized, Tommy.” Sam interjected, frowning.

“He was apologizing to Wilbur.” Phil explained, “for putting him through watching that.”

“An apology wasn’t necessary,” Sam pressed, and many of them could feel the tension in the room grow awkwardly.

Tommy awoke with a gasp, rocketing into a sitting position as he felt aimlessly around his chest. His hand settled on where the arrow had been as he breathed heavily. He looked up, noticing he was back in L’Manberg in his bed. Wilbur, Tubbo and Fundy were by his bedside, watching him nervously. He looked over and noticed Punz standing in the doorway, waiting expectantly.

“Dream wants to talk.” Was all the man said, gesturing for Tommy to follow him.

Tommy stood, leaning on Wilbur for support for a moment as his body readjusted to reforming, and calmly made his way out of the cabin, following Punz.

“He didn’t even give you a moment!” Puffy cried, staring at the screen clearly upset, “You just respawned and he’s just standing there like some weirdo!”

Tommy laughed quietly to himself, finding comfort in the older woman’s apparent concern and grandiose reactions.

They walked in silence, leaving L’Manberg and the others. Tommy trailed awkwardly behind Punz, stumbling every now and then as his legs adjusted still. The latter didn’t look back once.

Eventually, they reached Tommy’s house, and Dream stood outside, waiting. Tommy smiled tiredly.

“Ow do?” He tipped the man off.

“Why don’t you come inside, Dream? We’ll have a little talk, me and you.”

Tommy stepped into the house, Dream going after him. Sapnap, George and Punz made a move to follow but Dream stopped them, signaling for them to wait outside.

The blonde teen made his way over to his chests, sighing deeply. He stood for a moment, completely silent as Dream watched him. When he finally looked up the masked man hadn’t moved an inch.

“Dream…” He began steadily, “I am willing to give you Mellohi and Cat in exchange for L’Manberg’s independence.”

“Ohhh, the horror…” Jack commented sarcastically. Tommy sat in his rage, choosing not to act on it for the moment but flipping the bald man off all the same.

Dream took a surprised step back, as though he couldn’t believe it. “Wait… What?”

“Both my discs, you can have them.”

“Hmmm… That is an interesting deal y’know?” Dream grinned from behind his mask, snaking closer to Tommy and placing a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

Tommy physically recoiled at the scene, biting his tongue so hard it drew blood as he tried to keep himself grounded. Don’t touch me Don’t touch me Don’t touch me get your fucking hands off me I don’t want to be touched by you I-

“That’s very selfless of you.” Dream cooed, smile evident in his tone, “I mean, those are your discs.”

Techno narrowed his eyes at that. He could see for himself the way Dream was trying to place a wedge between Tommy and L’Manberg.

Tommy swallowed thickly, mustering all the strength he had to hold his head high.

“It’s for L’Manberg.” He insisted.

The screen went dark, and Tommy took a deep breath, bringing his feet up onto the edge of his seat and drawing his knees close so that they were tucked into his chest.

“Well Dream’s word doesn’t mean shit so I’ll say it again,” Quackity started up, “that was selfless, Toms.” He grinned.

A couple people looked as though they wanted to argue, but the duck hybrid sent menacing glares their way.

“Totally dude,” Karl nodded, “I mean, I don’t get the whole disc thing, but they clearly mean like, a lot to you. So that was really cool of you.”

Tommy felt his cheeks grow red at that, not used to open praise. He scowled, looking away.

Tommy trudged back into L’Manberg, his feet heavy and his eyes half lidded. He was practically dragging himself, entire body slumped with his regular energy gone, but when he saw three figures rapidly approaching, he quickly straightened, pasting a large grin on his face.

Wilbur got there first, slightly out of breath. His eyes scanned Tommy over for any injuries, before he placed a sympathetic hand on his little brother’s shoulder. “How’d it go?” He asked.

Tommy waited a moment, allowing Fundy and Tubbo to fully arrive, both looking worried. He smiled wide, eyes crinkling.

“Boys,” he began, opening his arms wide as if inviting in the praise, “I got us our independence.”

Jaws dropped, all of them staring at him as if he had just walked on water.

“W-What?” Wilbur stuttered, unbelieving.

“How!?” Tubbo cried.

“I gave him the discs,” Tommy smiled weakly, “both of them…”

There was a moment of silence, the darkness of the night encapsulating them all before;

“Tommyinnit my right hand man!” Wilbur whooped, sweeping Tommy up in his arms and holding him up. Beside him Fundy and Tubbo cheered like children, jumping excitedly. Tommy laughed, feeling the wind in his hair as his brother held him.

It wasn’t a perfect moment; L’Manberg was still in need of reparations, and he’d just come back from death twice. Eret had left them in the dust, and he’d lost his discs.

But in those minutes it all felt okay.

With the lanterns glowing and the cheers of his comrades, he felt like everything was all okay.

“And they all lived happily ever after.” Fundy snarked.

Tommy and Tubbo snorted.

If only that hadn’t been just the beginning.

twitter is @47bats instagram is @bi0sl :3

anyways i hope u guys liked it i'm gonna try and up the quality of the next chapters but thankfully we have pogtopia up next! (or at least like. the beginning of pogtopia) but i rlly do hope to improve these chapters bc theyre pissing me off atm

tysm for reading see u guys later!