believe it or not this is the calm before the storm.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: manipulation, hallucinations and self-harm

HELLO!! Matt 47Bats here formerly known as ramsity :D i rlly loved the name however the 'ram' made me sound like a schlatt stan and i could not go on like that so, here we are!

anyways! sorry for the delay! if you check out my twitter you'll see what was taking up my time these past few days. (a giant post-it wall mapping out the entirety of this fic) hopefully the length and content of this chapter makes up for it!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Sapnap could still remember the day Tommy first joined the server.

All by himself, with the promise that his big brother would be following suit in no time, he had a bouncy head of blond hair and bright blue eyes that matched the elastics on his braces. He was awkward and gangly, clumsy too, but he paraded around with purpose; Acting like he owned the place.

Word of their specific SMP travelled around quite a bit, so Tommy had strolled in already knowing their names and, well, being Tommy. He’d singled Sapnap out, recognizing him immediately because ‘he just looked like a Sapnap’, and continued on his way after cursing the blaze hybrid out for no definite reason. Where others were timid and submissive when they first joined, normally letting an older member give them a tour and taking time to settle in, Tommy came hurtling in, running around excitedly and claiming everything as his own.

Of course, Sapnap, George and Sam had sat in the community house that very night, questioning whether Dream had finally fallen off. Who would let a kid like that in? He was loud and crude and mean. He existed to cause problems, but Dream had sternly told them all to be nice, that Tommy was new and that he’d eventually settle down.

Seeing the boy now, warped by time with dull grey eyes and nails picked raw, his hair flat and greasy, Sapnap wondered if Dream’s words had been a promise. He wondered if the masked man had made Tommy settle down, because it was apparent his usual lust for life had up and gone.

If he was being honest, Sapnap had never been overly fond of the kid. Of course, there was always that feeling of responsibility; the one that came and camped inside his head, letting him know he should always watch out for the youngest on the server, but it felt obligatory. He found Tommy annoying, as most did, and while he didn’t want to hurt the kid’s feelings, he really didn’t want to spend much time around him.

However, he’d seen a different side of Tommy when the war between him and Ponk had broken out. The blond had proven to be resourceful and driven, as well as crafty when need be. He was an asset, and Sapnap found that just maybe he was a bit more tolerable than he’d initially thought.

Once Tommy had gained his respect, there wasn’t much else to say about their relationship. He had closer friends, as did Tommy, but there was an unspoken link between them. No matter how many times the blond had screamed and spat at him, he knew it was all in good fun.

Then, of course, the pet war had come, and things had become… Well, neither of them were quite happy with each other. Tommy was ruined by the loss of his cow, and Sapnap was horrified that the blond would even think about hurting Mars.

And when it had all come to a close, despite claiming to want to keep their friendship alive, they drifted on. Sapnap had Dream and George, and Tommy had Wilbur and Tubbo. There wasn’t much else to it, really. There wasn’t some bitter awful backstory, in fact, if anything, it was something they both enjoyed looking back on.

Come L’Manberg any hope of staying friends went down the drain. War was a game changer. Sapnap became hardened by the acts of violence, steeling himself over as he forced himself to plunge his sword into the hearts of former friends. There was no time for him and Tommy to be friends, and the whole world had been in constant motion ever since the nation came to life; leaving not even a single moment to rekindle old bonds.

So Sapnap had left it as it was, and he was sure Tommy was content doing the same.

Of course he’d heard of exile, and he’d watched Quackity hold back Tommy as he screamed and cried at the sight of his brother’s body, but he’d never really stopped to think about whether or not the boy could have used a hand. He’d never stopped to reach out, despite claiming he was still friends with the boy.

And now he was being forced to confront the fact that he’d really had no clue what had been going on with Tommy at all. He wasn’t even sure how to put into words what he felt but it burned inside of him. Watching the endless slimy lies that spouted from Dream’s mouth along with the punches and kicks, it made a sort of horror and rage he’d never felt before brew inside of him. He’d trusted Dream, and yet he was sitting there watching the man abuse and manipulate the server’s youngest.

How could he? It didn’t matter that Tommy was loud and annoying and a pain because he was still a kid and he was still Sapnap’s friend. He’d been so happy and bright when he’d first shown up and Dream had done everything in his power to extinguish his flame.

And for what?

Sapnap wracked his mind, scanning over years and years of friendship and little actions and words behind closed doors, trying to think of when or how it could have become possible. He didn’t understand why his friend would do such things, but in the end he’d found nothing.

Seeing that moment in the Nether, having the gut-wrenching realization that it was seconds away from going horribly wrong and he’d been just a couple metres away… it made something awful and painful clench in his chest.

He didn’t know… No one had known… but it didn’t make it feel any better. He couldn’t even imagine it; what Tommy had been through. The thought of being so alone, so cold and hurt, for so long, it was terrifying.

A part of him felt guilty, yes, but another part, a larger part, was furious. Not only at Dream, despite what Tommy had said about the masked man being the only one to blame, but also at the others.

How had Tommy’s father and brother not noticed? How had Tubbo never known? How had the people Tommy was actually close to not have seen?

His eyes flitted over to Quackity for a moment before he quickly looked away. He’d already been cross with both his fiances for quite some time due to unrelated things, but the fact that Quackity had been so close to Tommy at the time, the fact that he’d been in the fucking cabinet and not done anything… It made him even angrier.

Believe it or not, Sapnap wasn’t a complete moron (despite what George would tell you). He knew when to blame himself for the most part. And he did. He blamed himself for not seeing, for not being there, for not noticing, but he blamed the people that were genuinely close with Tommy even more.

He didn’t know what was going on with Tommy at the moment, but if he was still living in that little dirt shack by the massive crater in the ground filled to the brim with bloodvines all by himself, Sapnap was more than willing to take him in when this all finished. He owed the kid that much, at least.

He looked over at his beanie-clad fiance once again, pursing his lips.

There was already an empty room Tommy could take over.

He sighed, ignoring the look he got across the row from George and stretching his arms out. He felt… wrong. It was hard to watch something so brutal, knowing it was real and that it had happened and that you had no control over it. It was even harder when the villain on the screen was your best friend.

He wasn’t excited for anything that was soon to come, but he was praying to the moon and back that it would be over sooner rather than later. Surely there wasn’t that much more left… was there?

The screen flickered to life.

Tommy trudged through the snow, his right shoe missing and sock damp. The frigid air and icy ground had his foot almost frozen solid, burning. He hugged himself tightly, teeth chattering as he trekked up a large hill, clothes looking a bit more tattered than they had before. A small trail of smoke drifted into the skies from behind it.

“That’s not exile.” George muttered.

“Wow George, you’re right!” Sapnap replied with fake enthusiasm, earning both a snort and an elbow in the ribs from Karl.

They tried to ignore the state Tommy was in. They tried to ignore the terrified look in his eyes.

He tilted his chin up, watching the tiny cottage come into view. His eyes shone, the sun reflecting off the snow.

Recognition flashed in a few people’s eyes and Ranboo was suddenly very excited. Tommy was at Techno’s cabin, and that had to mean that he’d escaped exile, right?

Quite a few others seemed to be thinking the same thing, hoping silently.

“Technoblade…” Tommy whispered, lips parted slightly in shock. He picked up the pace, making his way over to the little home, limping slightly.

Technoblade shifted uncomfortably at the particular lilt in Tommy’s tone, feeling something unrecognizable creep up his spine.

“Why were you at Techno’s?” Quackity questioned, “How did you even find it?”

“Dream mentioned it one time… That Techno was nearby, y’know? Just did a bit of professional detective work, eh?” Tommy grinned, earning an amused eye roll from the duck hybrid.

He approached the stable, letting a small smile fall over his face. The large stallion inside huffed loudly at him, shaking its head.

“Hello there.” Tommy grinned, stroking the horse gently. Carl rumbled, his hulking frame looming over the blond.

Puffy’s heart clenched at the sight of the boy with the horse. She smiled sadly.

Tommy pried himself away, sending over a few longing looks before forcing himself inside. He was hunched over, eyes flitting around nervously.

His scarred hands brushed over the spruce doorframe, stepping nervously inside and scanning his surroundings. It was… cozy. Not too big, with a wall of chests to his left, a couch and fireplace to his right, and a stairway heading both down and up as well as a hallway further in front of him. He pursed his lips, taking a hesitant step forward and wincing at how loudly the floorboard creaked as he put his weight onto it.

“Hello?” He called hesitantly, clearing his throat and calling out another, louder time. There was no answer, the wind howling outside being the only sound. Tommy bit the inside of his cheek, furrowing his brow and closing the door behind him.

Curiously, he made his way over to the chests, gently opening one and beginning to rifle through it with wide and intrigued eyes. He gasped at the assortment of treasures, a small smile falling over his face.

“You little raccoon.” Techno muttered quietly, and there was a brief moment where Tommy only stared at him, lips pursed as though he wasn’t going to answer.

“Hey man, there’s nothing wrong with being a raccoon.” He settled on finally, though it sounded forced.

He continued to search, leaving everything where he’d found it. His touch was delicate, a ghost of the clumsy and hands-on approach he’d once had. Every breath was calculated, as though he was teetering on the edge of a cliff.

Phil didn’t like seeing it. Didn’t like seeing how scared his son had become. Tommy had always been a messy hurricane, never leaving things where he found them and creating unintentional disaster everywhere he went.

The winged man’s fist clenched as he tried to reign himself in.

All at once he stood, abruptly shutting a chest closed and clenching his fists tight.

“Dream wouldn’t like it if I was here.” He declared, though there was no one for miles but himself. “He wouldn’t.”

Ranboo frowned, furrowing his brow.

Tommy shook his head, ruffling a hand through his matted hair and whining quietly. He made his way for the exit, much less elegant than when he’d entered. He stumbled out into the snow, nearly tripping over his feet as he scrambled away. He paid no mind to the cold on his almost bare foot, straightening out and staring back at the little home.

“He’d be fucking pissed…” He murmured, chewing on his lip anxiously. “I-I have to go. Before he finds out.”

All the hope the people had been feeling, that desperate sprt of hope that it would’ve been the end, was shattered just like that. Ranboo’s heart sank.

With a panicked breath, he turned on his heel, quickly making his way back in the direction he’d come. As he stood at the top of the hill, he took one last glance back at the little cottage, a look in his eyes that was hard to place, before continuing on his path.

The screen faded to black.

“Why didn’t you stay?” Niki muttered, not making eye contact. She was tense, sitting ramrod straight.

“Cause Dream would’ve been mad? Duh.” Tommy laughed quietly, “I literally said it.”

“But you could have hidden from him.” Sam pressed. The teen instantly seemed to grow defensive, frowning angrily.

“Don’t you do that,” he growled, “don’t- don’t you make me feel like an idiot for not leaving… Dream…” he paused, pouting slightly,”actually nevermind. You wouldn’t get it.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Jack glared bitterly at him, though it went unnoticed.

Neither Sam nor Niki replied.

“Tommy!” An excited voice cried, somewhere not too far off in the distance. The waves crashed against the shore, sun shining down on the sandy beach.

The voice was not welcome in the room. Having been clinging to the idea that maybe, just maybe, exile had come to a close made the ordeal of having to hear Dream speak even more tedious.

Just how much longer would things go on for?

Tommy was curled up near the shoreline, staring at the bugs weaving in and out of little grains of sand. His eyes were dull, as though he wasn’t fully there, knees drawn to his chest as one hand traced patterns in the sand.

Tubbo’s chest tightened at the sight, and he tried to make the feeling go away.

When he heard the call, however, he immediately perked up. Like a dog whose owner had returned, a certain bounciness and liveliness returned to the boy at the sound of Dream’s voice. He looked over excitedly, standing and dusting himself off before making his way over.

Phil felt acid on his tongue, glaring angrily at the screen. The joy on Tommy’s face made him feel sick.

Dream was standing tall, waving happily at the blond. As soon as he saw that Tommy’s attention was captivated he began to dig a hole, same as always. Tommy, however, didn’t falter. He continued on his way, the only indication of something being wrong was the millisecond where his smile fell before he plastered it right back up.

Niki didn’t know how to place what she felt. She remained quiet, biting her tongue.

Karl’s eyes narrowed at the hole in the ground, and he sat up slightly straighter.

Neither said anything as Tommy calmly deposited his items in the hole, staring down at them forlornly. Dream chuckled quietly, placing the TNT.

Puffy didn’t like that. She didn’t like that at all. Where was Tommy’s defiance? Where had his spark gone?

“Oh, shoot…” He fumbled awkwardly, patting down his pockets, “I don’t think I have any flint and steel on me, Toms. Can you light it?”

Tommy paled, the colour draining from his face as he frowned, staring up at Dream and then back down the hole. He shifted uncomfortably.

“...But I worked so hard on these things.” He whispered, refusing to make eye contact with the older man, “I-I don’t want to.”

Techno eyed up the screen, frowning slightly. The Tommy he knew would have launched into a barrage of insults… not whispered morosely.

Did he ever really know Tommy?

“Just do it, Tommy.” Dream rolled his eyes, making the blond flinch.

Tommy bit the inside of his cheek, faltering for a moment. He sighed, looking slightly pained. “...Okay.” He managed, a lump in his throat.

Dream looked pleased with himself, backing away as Tommy summoned flint and steel from his inventory.

The blond gasped in pain as the explosion went off, being thrown back by the force and feeling the heat on his skin. Dream was unphased, looming over him. Tommy hissed, rubbing at his forearms which were red and raw.

Tommy flinched slightly at the sound, using his uneven bitten nail to trace a jagged line on his arm, keeping him grounded. He couldn’t freak out again.

The skin he was scratching at was pink and firm; scar tissue. It broke easier under his fingers. He could still feel the burns dancing up and down them.

“So,” The masked man took a large step over the miniscule crater, hands folded behind his back, “What’s up?”

Quackity sneered at the screen, loathing how casual the man acted. It was fucking vile.

Tommy swallowed thickly, taking a moment to stare at the blisters and scabs littering his hands before he looked back up, slowly and shakily getting to his feet. “I… I had a few things I wanted to ask you, actually.” He admitted, looking a little dazed, ears still ringing.

“Hm,” Dream craned his neck, staring back at the boy, his mask void and empty, “well? Go ahead.”

“Right uh,” Tommy chuckled awkwardly, bringing a hand up to rub sheepishly at the back of his neck, “I-I just wanted to talk to you, I had like- a proposal, and I wanted to know if I was like… Allowed.”

Tubbo bit his tongue at the words, frowning and looking over at his friend. ‘Allowed.’ As if Dream had any jurisdiction over him.

“Go on.”

“Well,” He grinned nervously, “you obviously know that no one’s been coming to visit me… And I thought maybe, just maybe, if I gave them a reason, like an official invitation, they might show up! Maybe they’re just unsure o-or don’t know when to come or where it is!” He faltered, realizing how excited he was getting and quickly lowering his voice, “So like… could I possibly, and it’s okay if no… have a party?”

Ranboo felt the blood drain from his face, frowning deeply.

The party. The party which he’d overheard Ghostbur and Tommy talking about at Techno’s. The party no one had shown up to, apparently. The party everyone had been invited to, apparently.

Tommy’s cheeks went red, and he dipped his head to avoid anyone’s gazes.

Dream didn’t reply, looking over at a large plot of sand slightly off to the side. His body language was impossible to read, and the stupid mask obscured Tommy from knowing what he was thinking.

“What, like a beach episode?” He tilted his head. A bit of the excitement and life came back to Tommy’s eyes as he did.

“Not even that!” Tommy shook his head, “Just a tiny gathering! Miniscule, really!”

“Well I have no problem with that,” Dream hummed, “why would I?”

The people in the audience were all thinking the same thing, wondering why they’d never received an invitation. They remained silent, however.

“A party sounds nice.” Puffy smiled softly.

She didn’t understand why Tommy seemed so upset by her words.

The expression on Tommy’s face was priceless. He bounced on his feet, ignoring the pain and burning in his joints and on his skin, grinning wide. “Really?”

Dream chuckled, sounding amused, “of course, Tommy.” He agreed, “I just want what’s best for you.”

Liar. Tubbo hissed in his mind.

Tommy, however, felt a long-dormant part of him grow warm at the words.

Tommy beamed, rocking back and forth on his heels. He spun around, quickly beginning to pace back and forth as he hashed things out. “I’ll give invites to D- uh Phil and Niki, of course.”

Tommy sank lower in his seat, trying to avoid his father’s gaze. Phil was staring sadly at his youngest, wings ruffling unhappily.

Niki shot him a glance, though she said nothing.

“Oh! And Jack!” He laughed excitedly, “I haven’t seen him in so long… I miss him.” He paused, slipping into a melancholic state for just a second before perking right back up. He continued to ramble on and on about food and entertainment and how excited he was to see everyone again.

Jack felt ice rush through his veins at the words, jaw nearly dropping. Someone had missed him? Tommy had missed him?

It didn’t even matter that Tommy so obviously would have taken anyone’s company at that point, it was that Jack was considered anybody.

He didn’t know how to react, only nodding silently.

Had Tommy really missed him?

“-and of course I’ll set up seating a-” Tommy cut himself off abruptly, peering off into a forested area. He narrowed his eyes, frowning deeply and trying to make out whatever he was seeing. Dream stared at the boy, intrigued.

Tubbo poked his head out from behind a tree, smiling blankly at Tommy.

Everyone blinked in surprise. Of all things Tommy could have been looking at, Tubbo was the last thing they would have expected.

Tubbo froze, eyes wide.

The younger reared back, letting out a shocked gasp and stumbling back a couple steps. Tubbo giggled quietly to himself, retreating back to behind the tree.

“You went to visit him?” Quackity asked, brow furrowed. The president had told him on multiple occasions that he was too busy and that Tommy didn’t want to see him.

“...I never did.” Tubbo admitted quietly.

The temperature in the room dropped, and Tommy bit the inside of his cheek.

“Then what…?”

“What’s going on?” Dream pressed, sounding slightly concerned, “what do you see?”

“Tubbo…” Tommy murmured, scanning the treeline once more, “I saw Tubbo!”

The ram-hybrid’s heart clenched.

The masked man let out a huff of a laugh, relaxing immediately. “Oh come on,” he rolled his eyes, a hint of a smile in his voice.

“N-No I’m serious, Dream! I did!” Tommy pointed towards the trees, “I’m not lying!” He looked over the area once more, desperate to spot his friend, but there was nothing there.

And they knew he wasn’t lying, because they’d seen it too.

The only issue was that Tubbo hadn’t been lying either.

“Tommy,” Dream began, sounding almost as if he was chastising or speaking to a toddler, “If Tubbo was coming to visit he’d have told me. And even if he didn’t and was here, he wouldn’t hide!” He paused, softening slightly, “Have you eaten enough today? Have you drank enough water? How much sleep did you get?”

Tommy tried to paw the hands cupping his face off as Dream fretted over him. Normally he’d be all over it, eagerly jumping at the chance of any human contact, but he’d seen Tubbo. He looked over at the trees again, practically begging for his friend to appear once more, but to no avail. He sighed, shoulders dropping.

No one was quite sure how to react, unsure of what was going on.

“Maybe you’re right…” He muttered, “I… I don’t know…”

“Come on,” Dream ushered him, smiling sympathetically and placing a hand on his shoulder, “let’s keep discussing your party.”

“Y-Yeah,” the boy nodded, pursing his lips and stealing another glance towards the forest.

Tubbo frowned.

“So like, how many people are you thinking? Cause we can have Ghostbur send out invites, and you have a pretty big space here so…”

Ranboo glared at the words, having overheard what had really happened.

The masked man’s word vomit quickly faded, Tommy tuning it out completely as he craned his neck back towards where he’d seen Tubbo. He looked over the trees, picking apart every detail and little thing out of place, but his friend was nowhere to be found.

Maybe he was crazy.

Just as he was about to go back to listening to whatever Dream was saying, a head of fluffy brown hair popped out from behind that same tree. Tubbo smiled blankly, staring holes into Tommy.

“What the hell is going on…?” Fundy muttered, leaning forward with intrigue.

Tommy flushed with embarrassment.

“-ential, you know? And I think we could-” Dream was cut off as Tommy jumped into a sprint, hurtling over to the trees, “What!? Tommy, what are you doing!?” He cried out, following after the blond.

Tommy paid him no mind, eyes wide and both his mind and heart racing as he made a desperate scramble towards the trees. His feet thumped against the ground, and he ignored the painful feeling of rocks digging into his foot without a shoe. The wind rushed in his ears, drowning out Dream’s protests.

Despite knowing what Tubbo had said, many of them couldn’t help but hope he was really there regardless. Anything other than watching Dream break Tommy down would have been a godsend by then.

He swerved around the tree trunk, expecting to find his friend, perhaps to jump into Tubbo’s arms and cry out ‘you came! you visited! you still care about me!’ but he was met with empty space. He came to a complete stop, staring at the spot in the grass he would’ve expected his best friend to be standing in.

… What?

No one spoke, completely sucked in by the confusing mystery.

He could faintly hear Dream calling out to him, telling him to come back, but it didn’t really register in his mind. He swallowed back a lump in his throat, trying to ignore how he could hear his heart thumping loudly. He turned wordlessly, confused and disoriented.

And that was when Tubbo stepped through the portal just a couple feet away.

Tubbo breathed heavily, unsettled by the version of him on screen. Many others seemed upset by it as well.

He was dressed in his suit. The very one he’d been wearing when he exiled Tommy. His hair was a bit shaggier, but still rather kempt. The scars covering his face and hands seemed to glow in the sun’s glare. Draped over his neck was a compass. He was smiling, head tilted to the left as he just… stared. With empty eyes.

Tommy tried to find his voice, tried to call out, but his mouth was dry, and he could barely breathe. He took a hesitant step forward, reaching a shaky hand out.

Ranboo wanted to cry, watching Tommy’s pale hand reach out. It felt cruel if not anything else.

Tubbo said nothing, the wind ruffling his hair as he continued to smile, never once blinking or breaking eye contact.

Tommy took another step forwards, and Tubbo took two back. The blond frowned, stepping ahead again. His friend stepped back into the portal.

Don’t go. Tubbo wanted to say, even though he knew it wasn’t really him. Stay with him.

His eyes widened, opening his mouth to object, but nothing came out. He outstretched his hand even further, taking to more steps towards the boy, but in the blink of an eye the portal had engulfed Tubbo, and he was gone.

Tubbo let his eyes fall shut, sighing deeply, disappointed in himself despite the fact that it hadn’t truly been him. He just felt… upset with himself.

Tommy stared in shock, wide eyes watching the swirling purple mass blankly. It wasn’t till a hand clapped tightly around his shoulder that he was broken from his trance. Dream was standing behind him, quietly observing.

“Tommy, what are you doing?” He asked quietly.

“I.. I saw Tubbo- for real, Dream.” Tommy managed, feeling the grip on his shoulder tighten slightly, “I- He walked through the portal! We- He made eye contact with me! He came through and then left again!”

Phil’s heart broke at the desperation in Tommy’s tone. How much damage could have been prevented if they’d just… been there? The phantom feeling of his anklet was suddenly digging into his skin.

There was a loud silence, and Tommy could practically feel Dream’s stare boring into him through the mask.

After what felt like eons, the masked man sighed.

“Tommy I was watching the whole thing,” He began hesitantly, “I could see the portal… There was no one there but you.”

And despite them all having been expecting it, the actual statement was nonetheless hard to hear.

Puffy felt tears building in her eyes.

Tommy froze, taking a step back. He glanced over at the portal before looking back at Dream. He stared at the little pinhole eyes, waiting for the man to say it was a joke, but it never came.

“No…” He shook his head, furrowing his brow, “No but- but I saw him! I-”

Tubbo shut his eyes tight, trying to block it all out.

Tommy grit his teeth, staring down at the ground.

“Tommy.” Dream addressed him sternly, making the teen snap his mouth shut, “Tubbo’s not here. He was never here… He’s never coming here.”

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

The hand fell from his shoulder, and the older man shoved his hands into his pockets. Tommy frowned, looking at the portal once more. He grit his teeth.

“But…”

“Just drop it, Tommy.” Dream groaned, throwing his head back, “let’s get back to planning your party, yeah? Then maybe Tubbo will actually come visit.”

Tubbo bit down on his tongue. Hard.

Ranboo’s hand found his own, but he pushed it away.

Tommy paused, clenching his fists at his side as he watched Dream casually make his way back over to tnret. He swallowed back something bitter, feeling the portal call out to him.

“Yeah…”

The screen went dark.

There was a silence, all eyes falling on the blond in the front left corner of the room. His face was beet red, teeth grit angrily.

But still, he managed a tight smile. Turning to look at all of them.

“Surprise…?” He laughed awkwardly.

No one laughed with him.

“So you were…?”

“Hallucinating big man.” Tommy finished Tubbo’s sentence, “you can say it, y’know. It’s not a swear. Not like fuck or shit. Not like a bad word.” He seemed to be amused by his antics, which was probably a good thing, seeing as everyone else looked to be sick.

“How often did you?” Puffy asked quietly, eyes sad. Tommy shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, laughing awkwardly.

“I mean it’s hard to tell, am I right?” He grinned, though he was nervously sweating, “I did have two incredibly hot girlfriends, though. And those couldn’t have been ah-llucinations. All women that flock to me are very real.”

Obviously, he didn’t want to talk about it, so they let it go. Ranboo was staring down at him worriedly, however, and there was only so much of that he could take.

“Look away or I’m taking your eyes out, boob boy.” He hissed.

Ranboo didn’t seem intimidated, but he still turned his head regardless.

The screen came back to life.

The beach was dark, and the water was cold and unforgiving. Tommy had his pants rolled up, shoe and socks discarded in the sand as he stared out into the sea. His calves were covered in lacerations and bruises, many of them looking fresh. Behind him a plethora of decorations and other things were set up. There were party chairs and parasols, though they’d be quite useless at night. On the table to the left there was a cake, completely untouched.

Instantly, Tommy’s bravado fell. He paled dramatically, eyes widening.

The others all seemed to grow surprised at the sight, furrowing their brows.

“Woah, what’s going on here?” A voice called, “where is everyone?”

Ranboo’s grip on the armrests tightened angrily.

The night air was cold, and the wind wasn’t so much harsh as it was a continuous unrelenting flow.

Tommy turned his head, his eyes were red and puffy, tear tracks still drying on his face. “...Dream?” He called out hesitantly, voice rough and scratchy.

Niki grit her teeth, trying not to be sent back to the days where she’d comfort Tommy after he’d had nightmares. His face had looked just like that, eyes glazed over with unshed tears, and she’d kiss him gently on the brow, guiding him back to Tubbo, Fundy and his’ room. Wilbur was always off doing ‘work’ during those days, so she and Jack were left to deal with the child soldiers and their dreams plagued by blood and death.

She pushed it all away. Her Tommy didn’t exist anymore. She didn’t know who he’d grown into, but he didn’t care about her.

Dream was standing on a ledge before the little party area, head tilted, mask ever present and still dressed head to toe in netherite.

“Tommy,” He began quietly, jumping down and making his way over, “are you… What happened?”

You know exactly what happened. Ranboo wanted to curse the man out, but settled instead for the angry grinding of his teeth as he sat in his place.

The tide came back, washing up against the shore.

Tommy said nothing for a moment, looking back out to the sea, fingers and knees twitching as though it was taking everything within him not to walk further in. There were bloody marks on his forearms, his nails were coated in red at his side.

Phil bit the inside of his cheek, taking a deep breath.

“Nobody came.” He managed hoarsely, trying to bite back a whine.

“Who was invited?” Karl asked quietly.

“All of you.” Tommy muttered.

The room’s occupants looked at one another, confused.

“But we never got any inv-”

“I know.” Tommy bit out harshly. “We’re not going to talk about it.”

“What, are you serious?” Dream demanded, looking around, “You’re kidding, right?”

The blond swallowed back a lump in his throat, clenching his fists. His shoulders were hiked up, whole body tense. “You don’t have to act surprised, Dream.” He sighed, “You- you kept telling me people didn’t care anymore but… but I didn’t listen.”

“Tommy…” Sapnap whispered, frowning sadly.

The worst of it all, wasn’t that Tommy thought that way, but that Tommy thought that way. He was supposed to be the arrogant little brat of the server; that was his role. He was supposed to be annoying and majorly disliked but still convinced everyone loved him.

It wasn’t right. It wasn’t the Tommy they knew.

Neither of them spoke, their clothes billowing in the wind.

“Guess I just didn’t want to believe you…” He muttered, staring down at his toes in the water. They were freezing, so cold it felt like little knives pricking at his skin, but it made him feel real.

“To-”

“No one cares about me anymore.” Tommy interrupted, not turning to look at the man. His voice was hollow and monotone. “They don’t care.”

Phil swallowed down bile, trying to compose himself. The imaginary band on his ankle felt even tighter.

You should have been there. You should have been there.

Dream took a few steps closer, “Tommy…”

“No one cares!” The blond managed, laughing incredulously, “No one cares about me anymore!”

The tide hit his knees again, and he had to fight the urge to just let himself go; to let himself fall into the frigid waters.

“That’s not true…” Dream tried, soles crunching in the sand.

“It is!” Tommy cried out, “No one cares! No one cares!”

It was… painful to watch. Something about Tommy of all people being reduced to that was just unpalatable.

Dream was finally just a foot away, standing on the tide’s edge. Tommy could feel his sad stare.

“Why don’t you step out of the water, Tommy?” He murmured, “you’re gonna get sick.”

“Who even cares at this point?” The blond scoffed, but got out all the same, not bothering to wipe the sand from his feet before putting on his socks and shoe; something that would no doubt cause blisters and irritation down the line, but he didn’t look concerned.

A majority of the room cringed at the action, all the while Tommy just looked humiliated.

“I do.” Dream pressed firmly, placing his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, and though the mask covered his face, the teen still felt as if he was staring into the man’s eyes.

Tommy’s eyes widened, and he instantly took a step back, opening his inventory immediately. “Sorry…”

A chill ran through the room.

George felt a sick feeling in his stomach. Dream had conditioned Tommy into this behaviour. He’d done that to a kid.

A gentle hand was placed on his wrist, and it caused him to stop, looking up.

“Don’t.” Dream hummed softly, “we don’t have to do that today.”

Sam felt his rage grow at the words. How could Dream phrase it as if he was being generous? As if he was anything but cruel?

Tommy’s lips parted in shock, and he looked back down at his inventory. “A-Are you sure? I mean-”

“I’m sure, Tommy.” The masked man smiled.

Tommy smiled back, and the screen began to shift.

Tubbo didn’t like the way his friend smiled; as though he was lucky he didn’t have to go through what Dream put him through on a daily basis. It made his blood boil.

The Nether was hot, the lava below making Tommy sweat more than he would’ve liked. He stood on the edge of his obsidian path, glimmering diamond pickaxe in his hand and a hard set look in his eye. Dream was looming behind him, not saying a word.

The Nether set off alarm bells in all their heads, and the couldn’t help but look to the blond who was sitting hunched over, half brooding and half trying to keep himself grounded.

Tommy stared bitterly across the divide, glaring daggers into the distance. His hands were clenched tightly at his side, knuckles white. All around him Ghasts and other hellish mobs ambled around, but he didn’t acknowledge them. If it weren’t for Dream deflecting blasts… well.

Why wasn’t he defending himself? Why wasn’t he… Why wasn’t… Why?

But as quickly as it had come, Tommy’s anger fled. All at once the tension that had been building in his shoulders disappeared, and he slouched, letting out a tiny sigh. He wordlessly handed the pickaxe to Dream, moving close to the edge to stare down at the bubbling magma.

Sapnap was tense, teeth grit. Get away from the edge. Please just step away. The fact that Tommy was there and alive in the room with him did little to quell his fear.

Without even registering the action, his right hand snaked up, clasping around the compass. He stared down at it, gripping it tight. Your Tubbo stared back at him, almost mockingly.

He knew where to find me. Tommy thought bitterly, hand almost shaking with how tight he was holding the compass. His eyes shone with unshed tears, glowing in the lava’s light.

Tubbo bit back a whine, and Tommy flushed with guilt. He’d never meant to make Tubbo upset.

“Tubbo burned his, you know?”

The room went very quiet, and Tubbo blanched. Eyes fell to him and he frowned.

“I didn’t,” he began, “I wouldn’t ever. I-”

“I know Tubs.” Tommy smiled softly. He stopped there. Tubbo faltered, brows drawn together. The rage he’d been feeling grew ever so slightly, but he pushed it down.

Tommy went very still, half expecting the scope to crush under his grip. He didn’t turn around, pursing his lips quietly. Your Tubbo.

“What?” He managed, voice hoarse from yelling and crying. Behind him he felt Dream grow closer, hovering just inches away.

“I mean, I didn’t see it personally. But I’ve been told Tubbo burnt his compass. Just like that.”

Liar. Tubbo bared his teeth angrily, practically fuming, Shut up shut up shut up.

Your Tubbo. Your Tubbo. Your Tubbo.

The tears didn’t come, but something inside of him, deep in his chest, snapped. His irises suddenly seemed even duller, almost a complete grey in the bask of the Nether’s glow. His fingers curled over the engravement, teeth gritting. He bowed his head, letting a shadow fall over his face.

“He wouldn’t.”

“I wouldn’t,” Tubbo affirmed, face hardened with determination and anger. “I wouldn’t.”

Tommy didn’t say anything.

Dream didn’t reply, and for some reason that was all the more worse. Tommy sniffled, rubbing at his nose with the back of his arm and glaring down into the blistering heat.

Tubbo hadn’t come to the party. Tubbo had burned the compass. If Tubbo didn’t care that was more than enough proof that no one cared.

No one but Dream.

Wordlessly, Tommy pulled the string of the compass, raising it up and away from his neck. He held it out at eye level, watching it sway back and forth, and his arm extended over the ledge.

Tubbo grimaced, thinking back to earlier when he’d watched Tommy place the compass beside the discs.

All at once a cacophony of voices broke free in his mind. They melted together, repeated over and over again, merging with one another.

“The discs don’t matter, Tommy!”

“Tommyinnit you’re scared.”

“They’re. Just. Music. Discs.”

“Tubbo? He’s lying to you man!”

“Gentlemen, welcome to the Final Control Room.”

“He would drop us at the second!”

“You’re selfish.”

“Down with the revolution, boys.”

“Put your things in the hole, Tommy.”

“I don’t give a fuck about Spirit, okay? I care about your discs!”

“You want to be a hero, Tommy?”

“Cause he’s your Tubbo!”

“You don’t hate me, Tommy.”

“Maybe if you’d actually listened to me!”

“What does Tommy like most in the world?”

“It was never meant to be.”

“Then die like one!”

The sounds overlapping were extremely overwhelming, and many of them had to cover their ears.

“-ommy! Tommy!”

Tommy was snapped from his trance by a hand clumsily gripping his own. Dream was inches away, his own arm outstretched, gloved hand curled around the compass’ string.

Tommy blinked in shock, flexing his fingers. He’d nearly let go.

“Let’s…” Dream guided him away from the edge, grinning at the way Tommy leant into the touch, “why don’t you sleep on it… yeah?”

Tommy glanced back at the lava, and then down to the compass. He clutched it tightly, pressing it to his chest and closing his eyes.

Ranboo’s chest ached at the action, and he felt rage swell beneath his skin.

“Yeah…” He muttered, letting Dream’s hand on the small of his back guide him, “Yeah maybe I should.”

The screen went dark.

“I’m fucking done with this shit.” Tommy mumbled, eyes angry, “I don’t want to sit through any more of it.”

Ranboo smiled sympathetically. “I’m sure there isn’t much more to go.” He tried.

If Tommy’s bitter laugh was anything to take from, there seemed to be a lot they weren’t prepared for. Most of them tried to ignore that.

“I’m sorry I just,” Puffy piped up, “I don’t get it. Why did no one come to the party? You were so excited about it Tommy…”

The blond scowled, muttering unintelligible things to himself. Ranboo frowned.

“What?” Quackity leaned forward, craning his neck to hear.

“Dream.” Tommy growled out, gritting his teeth. “He… He took the invites from Ghostbur… made sure no one got them.”

“And then showed up like some saint.” Techno said, something undecipherable in his tone.

“Motherfucker…” Phil managed, taking them all aback by the pure animosity in his tone.

Tommy shifted uncomfortably, frowning to himself.

“I-I don’t really know if that’s what happened,” he butted in, “I mean that’s what Ghostbur said but you know he’s pretty dumb so…”

“No,” Quackity shook his head, “No that’s exactly what he’d do… God Tommy I’m so sorry.” He looked… sad. Tommy had never seen him look that sad before, only when Wilbur had died.

“We had no idea.” George told him, and though his expression was unreadable, he definitely sounded sad.

“It was just a party, fellas.” Tommy laughed awkwardly, throwing up a grin. “Really I was just being dramatic…” He didn’t want to talk about it. It was embarrassing. The whole thing was embarrassing. He wanted to leave.

“Like hell you were!” Sapnap cried, smoke emanating from his palms. Karl put a hand on the small of his back.

“Look,” Tommy began, exasperated, “This shit? It’s over. I’m done with it, and I don’t need you all sitting here discussing it like some hot gossip. Okay? I’m done. Dunzo. No more. We aren’t doing this anymore.”

“Tommy we already went over this,” Puffy frowned, “You can’t just be over something like th-”

“Well I am!” The teen cried out, glaring at them all. “I’m done and- and I’m not going back! So that’s that!”

As the room dissolved into an awkward silence, unsure of what to say, an annoyed figure loomed overhead.

Drista pursed her lips, glaring at Tommy

Things were going to change. Whether he liked it or not.

my twitter

sorry for the long wait, however it should be smooth sailing from here!