Mastercop of the Dark Meal

Summary: When Mouse Protector affected her goofy character, Colin Wallis' response was "Hold m'beer!", even though he was sixteen and couldn't legally drink at the time.

Colin Wallis screamed in triumph. "YES! YES!" he shouted, as he began to cackle maniacally, "IT IS COMPLETE! MY ARMSMASTERPIECE IS COMPLETE!"

He could outright hear Dragon facepalming all the way from Canada.

Then he unveiled his ultimate weapon, and Dragon looked at the oddly shapped bazooka-like weapon he had hefted onto his shoulder.

"Colin what am I looking at? I've looked at the blueprints and the code you wrote, but none of it makes any sense."

"It's coded so only I can understand it," Colin said.

"... Is it?" Dragon asked, her avatar frowning. "Colin did you forget how to write like normal people again?"

"YES!" Colin said, putting one of his hands on his hip and grinning eagerly. "I have decided that legibility is for dorks so I won't use any!"

"... The things I do for love..." Dragon said. "You know what, I'll decipher it and submit it to the board for approval. You go have fun."

"EXCELLENT!" Colin said. "Now, what armor to wear," he said, opening his closet doors.

He looked at each armor in turn. "Hm... Zebra Stripes is always a classic, but I wore it last week... BDSM cop is okay, but I think it's better for special occasions... Rainbowmaster is a bit cliché... Oh, yes, PERFECT!" he said, picking a green suit. "TODAY I AM PICKLEMASTER!"

Dragon giggled. "I'm glad you're having fun."

Picklemaster nodded, grabbed his green afro wig, and put it on. On top of his helmet, which it attached to through magnets or some shit.

Fuck if he could remember how his armor worked.

"This, is my Armsmasterpiece," Picklemaster said.

"Arms... masterpiece?" the obviously villainous villain questioned.

"No, Armsmaster Piece," Picklemaster corrected. "Now you will be defeated by the power of my awesomeness!"

"Uh... but... I'm like, a hero you know?" the obviously villainous hero stated.

"I AM SO GREAT I TURNED YOU INTO A HERO JUST BY SHOWING UP! GODDAMN I'M AWESOME!"

"Mister are you drunk," the obviously villainous Hero asked.

"YES! But only a little!"

"Go home, Picklemaster, you're drunk..."

Lung roared, as he challenged the Armsmasterpiece.

Then it charged up, made a noise like the one the Kamehameha from Dragonball makes, and light began to flood from the big weapon's barrel.

Roaring more, Lung charged, and Picklemaster fired.

Lung was hit by something and sent flying back. He hit the ground and everyone looked at him.

He had been hit by a pie. He removed it from his face and threw it away in disgust. "Who the fuck," he began, "makes a goddamn pickle pie!?"

"I AM PICKLEMASTER!"

" Of fucking course " Lung said in Japanese.

Kaiser was apparently holding up a Gay Pride Parade. Who the fuck chose to hold a Gay Pride Parade in the middle of the Nazi Capital of the USA was a question for another time.

Colin knew that he had an opportunity like no other. "Today," he stopped and coughed to clear his throat, and pushed a button with his cheek to make a microphone come out of the side of his visor, as well as a large speaker from his back, "I AM CAPTAIN C, THE GAYMASTER!" he crowed, standing at the top of the tallest float.

Then he aimed his gun at Kaiser.

"TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHERFUCKER!"

And then Kaiser was gay.

Armsmaster woke up.

"Colin? Is something wrong? Your heartrocket skyrated," Dragon said. Then her avatar blinked. "I mean-"

"I know what you meant, Dragon," Colin said, his voice serious and quite angry. "I- just- just a bad dream," he said.

"Okay, then. I suggest you finish up here and go to sleep, your health will suffer for it otherwise," Dragon said.

"Are you kidding? I just got a bunch of new ideas. The creative juices are flowing!"

Dragon laughed. "Okay, okay. Just- look after yourself, okay?"

Colin nodded. "Too bad the Gayinator only had the one shot in it," he said, rubbing his chin. "Hm... wonder if I can make a picke gatling gun for the Picklemaster suit..."

I just felt like writing a silly Armsmaster. Again.