The Master of Excuses

Summary: In which Alec decides he doesn't care anymore and decides to see if he can get away with no longer using any sort of excuse whatsoever.

Brian rubbed the bridge of his nose like an old suffering parent. "Alec, why did you convince Taylor that she had to rob a bank to become a member of the Undersiders in full?"

It wouldn't even be that big a deal if it wasn't for the fact that she'd actually pulled it off and walked out of the bank with twenty thou and having humiliated Laserdream and Shielder of New Wave, especially after the video of the both of them screaming like little girls after getting a bugbath went viral.

Alec turned towards him, pausing the game he was playing. He looked pensive for a few seconds, laid the controller in his lap and joined his hands in a prayer-like position in front of his face, palm to palm. He took a deep breath, spread his hands and smiled. "Because of reasons."

"Goddammit Alec."

Well, it was technically an answer, Brian mused, and likely the best he was going to get. He just groaned and walked away.

"So let me get this straight," Lisa said, "you were here the whole time, you knew I had the biggest headache I've had since I got my power, you knew that coming out of my room into a brightly lit place would only make it worse, and you knew that the longer I spend incapacitated, the more likely it became that somebody would sodomize us because I couldn't see it coming. And you thought it was a good idea to force me to come out of my room to fetch a glass of water, because..."

Alec smiled widely at her, eyes almost glinting. "Because fuck you, that's why," he said, simply.

Lisa groaned and decided she might as well just let it go. Even her power was telling her that was literally the only reason he had done what he had. "As soon as I can move quickly without puking my guts out, I'm giving him the biggest wedgie ever."

Aisha and Alec where crouched, watching as a pair of superpowered insects made by Panacea were fighting each other brutally, employing their empowered natural weapons and armor to the fullest effect.

"Why are we watching this again?" Aisha asked, as she had been against the idea of pitting a pair of Skitter's special insects against each other, particularly given how much convincing had needed to go into getting Panacea to actually make them. Hell, Skitter was pretty much Tattletale's bitch ever since Tattletale arranged for the new and overpowered insects that Panacea made.

Apparently they had sold everyone's medic a pretty damn huge and important nugget of information for that one.

Alec looked at her, and pursed his lips as if looking for a reason. "For science," he said.

Aisha frowned. She guessed that it technically did count as an experiment. "For science?" she asked.

"For science," Alec confirmed.

Sighing, Aisha sat to watch the bloodsport. The bugs really were pretty freaking brutal with each other, and their enhanced natural intelligence and abilities meant their fight was pretty impressive. "Twenty bucks on the Stag."

"You're on, twenty on Hercules!"

"Nah," Alec said, waving his hand. "You can go without me."

Aisha's eyebrows rose. "Really? You're usually all for getting dolled up and springing a trap on some dumb fucker," she said. She also wouldn't say that it also benefitted her, she laughed quite a bit when they went for the racist dingbats of the Empire.

"Come on, Aisha," Tattletale said, "it's not like he'd be all that helpful."

"Okay, just tell me why, and I'll go," Aisha said.

Alec brought a hand up to his chin, the other mashing a button to skip through dialogue he'd read a million times in a videogame he'd played a gazillion times. He took five seconds to rub his hairless chin, looking down at his lap. "The stars are not in position," he said, evenly, and then turned back to the screen as a gameplay sequence initiated.

Shrugging, Aisha joined Tattletale as the two went clothes shopping with the large amount of money they had just stolen from the Merchants earlier that day.

"What's wrong with you, man?" Aisha asked, frowning at Alec, who was slouched on the sofa.

"What do you mean?" Alec asked. "There's nothing wrong with me."

"You're no fun. You haven't gone out to screw with people in like, a week! You've been different!"

Alec looked at her, adopting a forlorn expression. "It's just... it's just not been the same, since the accident..."

Blinking, Aisha tried to remember what he could possibly be talking about.

Figuring that it must be some villain work related bullshit, she shrugged and went about her business. Really, the entire team of Undersiders was built out of drama queens, she could swear...

"It's only right that we make the situation equal," Legend said. "We need insurance, you know a Ward's identity, and that's very dangerous information. We would hold your identity in collateral."

Alec frowned at the tension in the air. Really, he knew that people were about to do a stupid. He knew Tattletale was gearing up to jump in Taylor's defense. It might even be hilarious. But he couldn't quite say that he didn't care about his friends, and he knew that whatever bomb Tattletale intended to drop would forever burn the bridges between the dork and the heroes.

So there was only one thing to do.

"WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?" Alec shouted, drawing all attention to himself.

It was at that moment that Legend blinked, an action so prominent that his entire expression was visible despite the mask. "... You're right, you're absolutely right," he said, shaking his head. "My apologies, I've been treating you like a hardened criminal," he said, bowing his head ever so slightly. "It is true that your deeds are reprehensible, but I can see where you're coming from," he admitted. "We can, and we should, bury the hatchet, and not in each other's back."

The dork nodded, clearly enchanted by the head of the Protectorate's impassioned speech.

Alec smiled to himself. Yet another situation solved with excuses he got off of internet memes.

Now he just had to find somewhere to drop 'As the prophecy foretold' and his bingo card would be complete...